Eyes On Royal Rumble: The 5 Worst Rumble Wins

By @TrueGodImmortal

The Royal Rumble is creeping up on us. It's just about two weeks away and of course, it would be Royal Rumble month without having a look at some of the horrible moments in the history of the show. Today, we take a look at the 5 worst Royal Rumble wins and why. You may not agree with some of these choices, but each pick is valid. Let's take a look at the 5 worst Rumble wins.

5. Alberto Del Rio 
Royal Rumble 2011

-This could have been ranked higher. It really could have. However, the fact that this is one of the final times that the WWE attempted to actually go out and put over an upcoming guy with a Rumble win has it right at the end of the list. The truth is, Del Rio wasn't that good at the time, but he had the momentum slowly starting to build. Despite this, Del Rio walked into the first ever 40 man Rumble match and won it. While I have some thoughts on that idea as a whole, Del Rio winning wasn't the right call. I would have preferred to see CM Punk win and move on to face John Cena or at least become a part of the WWE Title match after all of the attention he would receive due to the New Nexus. Still, whoever you would give the Rumble to, Del Rio had a very anti climatic win.

4. Roman Reigns
Royal Rumble 2015

-This would be at the very top if it wasn't for the fact that the top 3 are actually just a little worse. Reigns was not the guy. Shit, he still isn't. However, in the beginning, I don't think it was set to be that bad. I think many of us expected Reigns to get the win and while we weren't excited about that, the biggest thing that sticks out to me in this situation is the fact that the WWE attempted to pull out all of the stops for Reigns..... AND IT STILL DIDN'T WORK. That is probably the most surprising part of this. First, Daniel Bryan was coming back and essentially, he was seen as the biggest threat to Reigns winning and being the GUY that they were trying to force. So, with that, they would end up eliminating Bryan early while forcing Reigns over Kane and The Big Show to the boos of the crowd. Not even an appearance by The Rock to get him cheers worked and essentially backfired, as it should have. In reality, this was one of the most ridiculous scenes to watch in WWE history, as Reigns definitely didn't deserve the win or the amount of effort they put in to force it. This Rumble win has haunted Reigns ever since.

3.  John Cena
Royal Rumble 2013

-The truth is, Cena won in 2008 and I still don't know if that was the right idea. However, I can for sure say the idea to make him win in 2013 was the worst call possible. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell WWE was thinking in 2013.... or now for that matter, but the point still stands. Regardless, Cena winning the Rumble at a time when you could have given it to anyone else is criminal. The WWE roster wasn't stacked like you'd expect, and the worst part about that is the fact that they really had no one ready to take the next step due to investing way too much into Cena. No one wanted Cena vs Rock 2 and no one wanted to see Cena win the Rumble AGAIN, thus.... It shouldn't have happened. But, good old WWE booking.

2. Batista
Royal Rumble 2014

-Another example of Vince McMahon ruining what should have been and could have been. The story was perfectly set up. Bryan enters the Rumble, wins it, and the Corporation go out of their way to deprive him of the title shot. They could have went with Daniel Bryan to win like everyone wanted... yet for some reason, they decided to go an entirely different route. Vince wanted Batista vs Randy Orton which... I'm not quite sure why. Regardless, there was no Daniel Bryan, there was no one left in the final 4 that even made sense to utilize in this instance as a replacement for Batista. All in all, this is one of the most confusing decisions ever.

1. Vince McMahon
Royal Rumble 1999

-Do I even need to explain this one? I mean let's be serious here. Let's be serious. Vince didn't deserve to win anything, let alone the fucking Rumble. Why? What was the point? To stop Austin from winning the Rumble a third straight time even though he probably should have. I don't even need to go into detail about this. It was ill advised and one of the worst decisions I've ever witnessed in WWE history. I have nothing left to say here. It was essentially one of the worst moments in WWE PPV history and quite possibly the worst Rumble moment ever. It did make for some good comedy however, and there's the silver lining.

-True 

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Eyes on the Ring 12:54 AM  No comment

WIRTB Review: The Attitude Era

Well, looks like I'm about to piss most of our readership off with this one.

I'm Speed on the Beat and welcome to another edition of WIRTB Review, the EyesontheRing.com column where I go through something wrestling-related, parse out the details, and render a verdict on whether it was really that bad, or that good. Today, I'm going to talk about one of the sacred cows among wrestling (because fuck "sports entertainment") fans. So, sit back, crack open some Steveweisers and ramble along with the Raw is War theme song, because we're going to determine if the Attitude Era was really as good as advertised or if we're just looking at it like the Final Fantasy 7 of professional wrestling (in other words, we hold it in such a high, potentially overrated, regard for what it represented, not how well it holds up today). I will not bore you with a history lesson, because let's face it, if you need one, you probably shouldn't be reading this post to begin with.

For starters, let's look at some of the storylines that came out of the AE. We had Austin versus McMahon, one of the greatest rivalries in wrestling.

However, the feud overstayed its welcome and ended up devolving into ten different offshoots, encompassing everyone, and led to countless heel turns, face turns, "SONUVABITCH!" calls from JR, and so on. The feud lasted somewhere, depending on who you ask, between 1996/1998 and 2001. Three to five years on one feud, on and off, is way too damn much. "But Speed," you're probably asking. "Austin versus McMahon made stars out of Stone Cold, The Rock, Mankind, Triple H, and countless other legends. Either that or it helped solidify their status, such as with Taker." That's true. But, look at the train wrecks we had to go through to get to that point. And that's even before we get to the quality of the matches (more on that later).

In the Attitude Era, we had pregnancies (hi Mark Henry's handbaby), miscarriages (hi Terri), sexual assault (hi Val Venis and your "choppied pee pee"), blatant racism and sexism (hi Sable, Trish barking like a dog, and Lita being powerbombed through tables--well, that's just kind of equal opportunity clusterfuckiness), and everyone seemed more "real." That was great. The era of saying your prayers and eating your vitamins was dead, kind of. This realism, however, also led to uncomfortable line-blurring, such as the time that Big Boss Man desecrated Big Show's father's coffin.

Anyone who thought that this storyline (or the final match that came from it) was a good thing should consider checking themselves into an outpatient facility. This isn't "Eddie's in hell," because at least the "Eddie's in hell" promo, while pretty tasteless in its own right, had some semblance of a point behind it. Batista hated Rey, Batista thought Rey was abusing Eddie's memory for his own gain, Batista heeled it up to over 9000. The end. Big Boss Man versus Big Show was coonery. Because, for real, were we supposed to feel sympathy for either character? Even as a kid, I couldn't bring myself to side with Show. Maybe that's the result of shit acting, or maybe I'm just a psychopath. Either way, fuck that storyline.

Hey, remember the time that Undertaker was going around sacrificing people? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

All in all, many storylines from the AE were cringeworthy (Al Snow "eating" his own dog, anyone?). It wasn't necessarily because of the "raucousness" of them, either. Some just didn't make sense. For instance, Hawk's alcoholism/attempted suicide/Puke's replacing me angle. Let's...nah. Aside from the storylines, the in-ring product was not that good. Do you remember how Rock sold the Stunner?

 

How about the fact that outside of the names I mentioned earlier and, of course, HBK (even if he didn't wrestle much, he was still a part of the Attitude Era through the early days--and the creation of DX), Taker, etc., many Attitude Era talents had/have "for-life midcarder" scrawled over them like a Billy Ripken "fuck face" bat. No, screw your "D'Lo Brown was underrated" chants. He was mediocre at best and dangerous at worst (and I'm not even talking Droz/Puke). Because of the Attitude Era, people still consider X-Pac to be a great heel. Hell, because of the Attitude Era, "X-Pac Heat" is considered a good thing in some circles.

The "hardcore" matches were more "hey, Vince. Let's see what ECW did in 1996, water it down, take out New Jack, and have people fighting in ball pits at fucking amusement parks" than Hardyz versus E&C versus The Dudleys. People seem to forget that about the "hardcore" aspect of the Attitude Era. It was more of a comedy segment than something people took seriously. Why the fuck else do you think that the Hardcore Championship changed hands more than...[resisted urge to make a Sunny joke here, even though I technically just did]. Yeah, we got Al Snow versus Big Boss Man (hot "dog" be damned, it was some decent wrestling). But, we also got Crash Holly, may he rest in peace, holding the Hardcore Championship 22 times before it was retired (mainly due to the 24/7 rule). 22 times in about four years. If that doesn't scream diluted trainwreck, I don't know what the fuck does.

How could you have people such as Dean Malenko, Jericho, and Benoit on the roster (not to mention people such as Jerry Briscoe working backstage) and still have so many matches revolve around spots and just "holy shit" moments which were mostly only holy shit moments because WWF fans weren't used to ECW, Japanese wrestling, Lucha Libre, etc. Again, notice I said "mostly." Mankind being put through the HIAC is, by far, "holy shit"-worthy. But, let's think about some other WWF spots on this nature. Yeah, Shane O'Mac imitating Jeff Hardy on a regular basis was great. But, it wasn't all "holy shit"-worthy. Most of the schmozzes which went down in 1999 were not "holy shit"-worthy (in fact, most were unneeded. Thanks Vince Russo!). New Jack and Vic Grimes surviving the Danbury Fall with little to no padding, fucking around, and doing a similar spot years later? That's "holy shit"-worthy. Muta versus Hase? That's "holy shit"-worthy. Seeing announcing tables implode for the 9000th time? After seeing it happen the first 8,999 times, it loses a bit of its luster--especially if it's happening numerous times per event.

However, through all its wackiness and aged-horribly feel, the Attitude Era delivered a notice to the world from the WWF. "We're not dead yet." And with those first salvos from Montreal or the first "SUCK IT!" or wherever you place the beginning of the AE, we were off. Authority figures, for better or worse, started getting their hands dirtier. The Monday Night Wars got grittier and more insane. We all saw a bit of ourselves in a Stone Cold, whether it be with parents, teachers, coworkers, or whomever. Wrestling was a cultural phenomenon. Does that outweigh the fact that the aforementioned wackiness, in-ring ineptitude, and the fact that the Attitude Era has aged horribly?

Eh...not exactly. But, was it really that bad? I think that many of us, we place a great emphasis on the Attitude Era being the pinnacle of pro wrestling because many of us grew up with it. Therefore, there shall always be a bias towards it. But, we can't let our biases and our memories cloud the fact that the Attitude Era was not the greatest era in pro wrestling. Was it good? For moments, yes. For memorable characters, regardless of their abilities in-ring. But overall, is the Attitude Era overhyped? Is the Attitude Era overrated? Is the Attitude Era, in some ways, really that bad?

As always, these are just my (fact-based) opinions. I'm always open to discussion about them, so feel free to converse with me about them at @SpeedontheBeat. Be forewarned, though. If your conversation starts off with anything along the lines of "you stupid nig, you don't know shit. Stick to basketball," we won't be having a conversation and you shall be ignored/blocked/banished.

Next up? A WIRTB Review of John Cena.

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Eyes on the Ring 10:20 AM  No comment

True God on the Vince/Stone Cold Podcast

So, by now, we've heard the Vince McMahon interview on Stone Cold Steve Austin's podcast, correct? It took over social media and captivated the wrestling world instantly. Here's what we learned.

Vince Is Out Of Touch

Vince also called out the "Millennials" of the locker room last night.

As the WWE product has changed and altered over the years, many would call it a regression. I personally believe that the in-ring work is at a high level, but the theatrics have taken a great hit. The lack of new characters being pushed to the main event is a huge problem. In the interview, Vince essentially took shots at his whole roster. Cesaro was spoke of and Vince took the time to call him "boring." Where would that be factual? Promo-wise? I'd say Cesaro needs work, but that's why you give him the mic and the TV time to work. The European Uppercut and the Cesaro Swing are crowd pleasing moves, and Cesaro has captured the audience with countless matches over the year.

Vince puts the blame on the talent for not stepping up but who can be of blame when the show is scripted and heavily controlled? Vince spoke of listening to the audience, but the audience has spoken countless times, only to be ignored. Cesaro, at WrestleMania 30, was over hugely and seemed poised to be a huge face after the breakup of the Real Americans. What's happened since? Cesaro was stuck with Heyman, lost matches, and was booked in the mid-card. He's been regulated to a tag team with Tyson Kidd, as of this writing. Vince also places emphasis on the term sports entertainment, but its apparent that his audience prefers the term " WRESTLING". If Vince was listening to the audience, he'd know that right?

Vince Apologizes To CM Punk

CM Punk, one of the most important figures in WWE over the last decade, decided to leave the company for a hiatus. He wasn't pleased with things and decided to go home. He was sent his firing papers on his wedding day. Vince claimed it was a coincidence, but makes a note to apologize to Punk for that. He spoke on hoping to do business with Punk in the future, but the apology speaks volumes. However, the question is, was it genuine? Or just a political answer?

The WWE World Heavyweight Championship's Value and Brock Lesnar's Aren't The Same

Hey, look! It's that thing that we haven't seen in months.

When Vince was asked about Brock breaking Undertaker's streak, Vince said it was the right thing to do. I don't agree, but it led to Brock getting a title shot against John Cena and winning the title. Brock destroyed Cena, then it became rumored that WWE altered his contract so that he could appear at more events. With Brock appearing at Royal Rumble, WrestleMania, SummerSlam, and Night of Champions, it seemed this might be the case. However, we haven't seen Brock since Night of Champions in September.

It is currently December. The WWE World Heavyweight Champion has been out of action for 3 months.

Vince's logic is that Brock is a special attraction and doesn't need to be seen all the time. There may be truth to that statement about Brock being a special attraction. But if that's the case, why does he need the title? Why not let Seth Rollins, a new main event singles star, carry it, since he's been positioned as the top heel in the company? The only upside of Brock being champ was to use him more often and put him against newer stars to create tough faces who may come up short, but get a rub through taking Brock to the limit.

However, that did not occur, and Brock has wrestled only John Cena (twice), Undertaker, and Big Show this year in 2014. The problem here? Brock wrestled Big Show, Cena, and Undertaker during 2002 and 2003 as well. Eleven years later, with the wrestlers slower and older, we got this—again. There is something wrong with that, and sadly, WWE doesn't see it. They don't understand. The fans would love to see Brock vs Cesaro, Brock vs Orton, Brock vs Bryan, Brock vs Ambrose, etc. for the title or just in general. Use that big name star to work with newer guys. However, WWE doesn't seem to understand that concept so we get rehashes and rematches. A fact that will not be ignored, however, is that the WWE World Heavyweight Championship currently has no importance. It is out of sight, out of mind for most. Brock has had a 4 month reign, in which he only defended the title ONCE. He has only appeared 6-7 times. At least The Rock defended the title every PPV for his 3 month reign and he's an even bigger attraction than Brock. I couldn't get Vince's logic on this topic but it’s safe to say this is a reason why WWE is in the predicament it is now.

Sting will be at WrestleMania 31

Austin brought up Sting and Vince gave a vague but intriguing answer. Sting made his WWE debut at Survivor Series, helping Ziggler get the pin against The Authority. Austin asked will we see more of Sting and Vince, in so many words, said yes and referenced seeing him at WrestleMania. The question now is...Who will he face? HHH? Taker? Someone new? Only time will tell.

Stone Cold hates the term sports entertainment

Nothing more to this. He just cringes when he hears it. I understand the feeling.

Final Remarks

I didn't write this to run down Vince, but I just wanted to point out some things that stuck out severely. I would like to think that Vince and the WWE will get things together come WrestleMania season. Vince is great to listen to and he gave a great interview, but man. Those points stuck out pretty badly. He has an interesting outlook on the world of WRESTLING, business, as well as lofty goals to be in competition with the biggest companies in the world. If you haven't listened, I suggest you do now.

Peace
-@truegodimmortal

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Eyes on the Ring 4:52 PM  No comment