As Elimination Chamber approaches, we wanted to continue discussing the Chamber matches of the past, and what better way than to revisit the best Chamber matches in the history of the match. There have been a number of solid ones, so after discussing the worst, it's only right we discuss the best of the best. Let's take a look at the 5 greatest.
5. 2010 World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber
-I didn't have the highest hopes for this Chamber, but it was pretty good overall. I watched the build and got excited about what was to come in this match from an in ring perspective, but it was obvious that Undertaker wasn't going to walk out of the Chamber with the title. The participants would be Taker, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, Rey Mysterio, R-Truth, and CM Punk, and this match would lead to future feuds heading into Wrestlemania. Truth was eliminated first, Punk was eliminated by Rey, and that would lead to their feud. The final two would be Taker and Jericho, and HBK would show up to cost Taker the match and the title in a thrilling finish. Jericho wins a very good Chamber match that went over 35 minutes. It was great action throughout the match and the finish put it over the top.
4. 2003 Summerslam Elimination Chamber
-I really didn't have a fond memory of this match at one point. I didn't like the ending and I'll be honest, it felt as if the match served no purpose in truly getting Goldberg over anymore. He had been undefeated in WWE until this match, but watching it back, it's a really solid Chamber match. The only person who didn't add much to it was Kevin Nash, but he was eliminated very quickly as expected. Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, and Shawn Michaels however kept the action ablaze and fun, as we watched all three do great work along with Triple H. Goldberg wasn't a bad piece to the match, but he was definitely a secondary figure who would end up serving only to put over Triple H in the end, taking a pinfall loss (his first in WWE) courtesy of a sledgehammer.
3. 2009 World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber
-When No Way Out was still an important PPV, the Chamber was an essential piece of the show. This match would be a shocker in a way, with Edge entering in the match after losing his title early in the night. The lineup for the match didn't jump off the screen, as Mike Knox and Kane didn't appeal to me, but Jericho, Mysterio, Edge (who took Kofi Kingston's place), and Cena made up for that. Both Kane and Knox were eliminated fairly early, and the final four would put on a classic show. Cena would be eliminated earlier than expected, meaning we would have a new champion for sure. After Jericho went out next, we got about 7 minutes of top tier action from Mysterio and Edge, with Edge taking the win and the World Heavyweight Title.
2. 2008 No Way Out Elimination Chamber
-There were two Chamber matches at this event and they would both be solid. However, the RAW Chamber (for the no. 1 Contender spot at Mania) match was just slightly better. There was something about the lineup that really made the action flow well, with Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, Umaga, Jeff Hardy, and Triple H all putting in work (along with JBL) to deliver a great match. This is a classic Chamber match, with Triple H standing tall at the end after a great sequence with Jeff Hardy. I would have liked the match to go a little longer, but for 24 minutes, this was an exciting battle.
1. 2002 Survivor Series Elimination Chamber
-This is the standard. Period. The greatest Chamber match and one of the best matches in Survivor Series history, if not the best. Honestly, there is something about this match that feels more than nostalgic. It holds so much within it that it is a moment in time for wrestling. Along with the fact that Shawn Michaels would return to wrestling officially (in the worst pair of wrestling tights ever), it would mark the first time he was in the ring with guys like RVD, Booker T, and Chris Jericho. That was a great moment in itself along with the action that carried this match. Going almost 40 minutes, this match was building to something big, and the culmination gave us just that as HBK would hit the Sweet Chin Music and pin Triple H to win the match and the title to one of the loudest reactions I've ever heard in WWE history. That, along with the match itself easily makes it the best Chamber match and it's not even close.
This week, True and I will present to you a rivalry that lasted off and on for almost 2 decades. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio have been friends forever but they’ve had a rivalry like no other in the sport. Captivating the world with their Lucha Libre style of wrestling, they wrestled all over the world, with and against each other. Today, we wanted to take a look at their rivalry and what made it so special, along with their best matches, and the most underrated. Let's get into it.
Best Matches
Since these two have wrestled in countless organizations and countless times, picking just ONE match wouldn’t be right so True and I decided to pick the best matches from both WCW and WWE.
*WCW
Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio JR
Title vs Mask Match
Cruiserweight Championship
Halloween Havoc
-This was a MOTY candidate in our eyes. These guys tore the house down. Chemistry was never an issue for these two men but it shined brighter than it ever had on this night. This match with back and forth and it could very well be the best Cruiserweight Title match of all time. It's easily one of the best matches in both of their careers and it's definitely their best contest in WCW.
*WWE
Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio
Ladder Match
Summerslam 2005
-One of the best matches I’ve ever seen (Phranchize). These guys laid it all on the line for the custody of Rey’s son Dominic. There were some nasty spots but it didn’t matter. This match was simply fantastic from start to finish. For me (True), this match had a bit of a silly element to it based on the premise and reason it was happening, but the action takes your mind off of that. Eddie didn't win this match or their best WCW encounter, but he delivered in the ring every time.
Underrated Matches
A look at the most underrated matches from the two stars in both WCW and WWE. What makes this rivalry so storied and great is that they really feuded in two companies and have gems in both of them. Let's see what gets the nod for the most underrated.
*WCW
Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio JR.
Cruiserweight Championship
World War III
-We were very tempted to put this match as their best WCW match. The action was just as good as their Halloween Havoc clash. Eddie was quite physical in this match and it was a welcome sight. In the end, Eddie avenges his Halloween Havoc defeat
*WWE
Eddie Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio
Judgment Day 2005
-We REALLY wanted to put their Great American Bash match but Eddie’s turn was in full effect here. Eddie was more vicious than I’d ever seen him. Rey playing the gutsy babyface was perfect to aiding the heel turn for Eddie, and Rey picks up the victory by DQ. The ending wasn't ideal but the match itself was superb.
Winner Of The Feud
It's pretty simple to see who won this feud. Eddie got a lot of victories that didn't mean as much, but in their biggest contests and bouts, Rey walked away with the win. That can be stated for the Halloween Havoc match and for the Summerslam ladder match. Regardless, this feud was great in every promotion it took place, and even though Rey stands as the winner of the feud, Eddie delivered in every match and promo, carrying the feud from that standpoint. This is a classic rivalry.
Eddie Guerrero was one of the best to step foot in the ring. Ever. Period. His talent in the ring was second to none, and over the years, Eddie would ascend to heights many thought weren't possible. Eddie did this through his hard work and his in ring ability, putting on classic matches frequently whether in ECW, AAA, WCW, or WWE. Today, I wanted to take a look at the 5 best matches in Eddie's career. Let's get into it.
5. Eddie Guerrero vs Dean Malenko
(ECW 1995)
-This match was two out of three falls and the final match for both in ECW before leaving for WCW. I wanted to put the Eddie vs Edge match here, but this one was just a bit better. Dean and Eddie were doing things that weren't seen before in the company, and their level of talent exceeded many others. Eddie won the first fall, Dean won the second fall, and the final fall was an epic battle throughout and it seemed as if Dean got the win, when in actuality, he didn't. Both men had their shoulders down, and as a result, we got to see the final match in ECW between these two end in a draw. Excellent contest.
4. Eddie Guerrero vs Edge vs Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit
(Smackdown, 2002)
-The Smackdown Era was amazing. It was one of those eras that really showcased talent for their gifts and ability, not just based on the politics backstage that usually dominated the way things went. This match was one that honestly shocked me, as it is one of my all time favorite matches. It was a pure wrestling match, with all four competitors giving their all. The match ended with Angle getting the win, but Eddie was on fire during this time period and he was great here.
3. Eddy Guerrero and Art Barr vs Octagon and El Hijo del Santo
(When Worlds Collide 1994)
-The fact remains, Eddy in AAA was some of the best work of his career. It was a hair vs mask match, and it took place at the mega event When Worlds Collide. This contest was two out of three falls, and after Eddie and Barr won the first fall, Octagon and El Hijo won the final two falls to take a classic match. They really had one of the most technical sound and entertaining matches I've ever watched and you can find it on YouTube and DailyMotion. It's the best match on the When Worlds Collide show which is a great event in its own right.
2. Eddie Guerrero vs Brock Lesnar
(No Way Out 2004)
-The moment his entire career changed for the best. Eddie was the man inside the ring and as a tag team wrestler, he was a champion. He had been US Champion, and he had given us classics, but his masterpiece was yet to come. His masterpiece came when he went toe to toe with Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title. This match was interesting from start to finish and despite the interference from Goldberg, it was an excellent bout and an even more excellent moment seeing Eddie walk away with the WWE Title. Eddie definitely deserved this moment and the championship.
1. Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
(Halloween Havoc 1997)
-There aren't many matches in WCW history as good as this one. In fact, this might be the greatest of them all. After a solid build up, we witnessed a back and forth contest with these two amazing wrestlers going at it with everything they had. Rey was in his prime, Eddie was in his prime, and this mask vs title match had grave implications for Rey. After a ton of amazing action, Rey managed to walk away with the Cruiserweight Title and keep his mask in tact, but the ride to get to that point was one of the greatest I've ever seen. While there are many classic Eddie Guerrero matches, this one takes the cake as the best.
Good afternoon and welcome to the debut of this column looking at the "great" moments that tend to go overlooked in wrestling history. The moments that are so unbelievable, they make you question why you are even still a fan of the business. The moments where you put your head down in shame as something ridiculous parades across your screen. Yes, those moments.
Today, I wanted to start with the feud that doesn't get enough credit in aiding the downfall of WCW, the No Limit Soldiers vs The West Texas Rednecks (hold your applause please). In professional wrestling, you have those very moments where everything lines up, the electricity flows, the crowd goes wild, and emotions run high.
None of that happened here.
How could this have worked? You have the West Texas Rednecks, comprised of some legendary wrestlers, going into this feud as heels--IN THE DEEP SOUTH--against a team of minority wrestlers (except for Brad Armstrong and Chase Tatum), backed by a famous multimillionaire rap artist. This was doomed for failure at the inception. The reality of this situation was that WCW was desperate to find a new audience after WWF had been kicking their ass in the Monday Night War for over a year at the time. Somehow, this led WCW to believe bringing in Master P was a great idea that would captivate a bigger audience. This was not foreign in WCW to see celebrities on their program in active roles. The inclusion of Karl Malone, Dennis Rodman, NFL stars (what up, Mongo?), and Jay Leno, all worked well in the past, but this was ill-advised.
The feud starts with Master P having an altercation with Curt Hennig over a supposed gift that Curt attempted to give Silkk The Shocker (it'd be nice if Curt gave Silkk the ability to rap on beat, but I'm grasping at straws here). The No Limit Soldiers are supposed to be faces in the feud, yet they start off with heel activities? Yep, makes sense for 1999 WCW. Konnan and Rey Mysterio joined up with The No Limit Soldiers as Hennig gathered Barry and Kendall Windham along with Bobby Duncum, Jr. to make up the West Texas Rednecks. The feud was on. This could have been epic, right? Exposure for the company in the mainstream from using Master P's brand, entertaining segments with talent getting over, and a chance to help WCW get back in position to compete. What could possibly go wrong now?
Everything.
The West Texas Rednecks created a funny song called "Rap Is Crap," seen above. This song bordered on being racist (fuck it, the whole feud was racist as is), yet caught on quickly with the WCW fans of the deep south. Rap was still seen (even more so) as the bastard child of music at the time apparently. So, with the demographic of fans in WCW, the sentiment of "rap is crap" was shared. To be honest, I doubt any rapper could have got that storyline to work against the West Texas Rednecks in the south. WCW booked themselves into a hole, and no one was happy about what was going on.
The feud wasn't necessarily terrible match-wise, as Konnan and Rey picked up a victory over Duncum Jr and Hennig at the Great American Bash, setting the stage for a huge 8 man elimination match at Bash At The Beach. Up until now, I've neglected to mention Master P's true motivation for this entire venture, but I think it was apparent to all those who watched: Master P did this entire angle just to get his cousin, known as Swoll, a shot in the wrestling business.
This...is Swoll.
Usually a wrestler has to go train, get better, improve, work their way up the ranks to get a shot, but not Swoll. Swoll walked right in and got himself a match at one of the biggest PPVs for WCW. Now, was Swoll any good as a wrestler? Not really. Instead, the No Limit Wrestlers relied on Rey, Konnan and BA (Brad Armstrong) to do the heavy lifting in the ring. As the feud came to a close, I think the question everyone involved (including the WCW higher ups who approved the feud) would have to ask "was any of this worth it?"
ANY OF IT?
A smidgen?
A piece?
The answer to this question is simply HELL NO. There are many ideas that should have been left alone, this was one of them. BA went back to being just Brad Armstrong, Rey went on to start the Filthy Animals, Chase Tatum (apologies to the dead, but who the fuck was he?) disappeared aside from a cameo in 2007's Who's Your Caddy, Master P went back to counting money (he got paid 200,000 per appearance he made), Silkk the Shocker went back to spitting his off-beat trash verses, and The West Texas Rednecks disbanded not too long after this feud took place.
Lesson learned here, folks. Some ideas are better kept as just that: ideas. Next time on " Great" Moments In Wrestling History, I'll take a look at what I like to call, "The Era of The Enhancement Guys." Oh yes, T.L. Hopper, Salvatore Sincere, Aldo Montaya, and many more shall be immortalized by the Immortal One himself.
Until next time, stay classy...or something close to that.
Pray for me, if you're the religious type, because we're about to get Greed-y.
Welcome back, Ringers. It is I, the guy who suggested DDP do yoga, even though he himself can't get many poses down pat, SOTB!!! here to review the crap, so you don't have to. In this edition of WIRTB Review, we go back into the annals of WCW and pull out this gem.
I know, it's not good manners to kick a dying horse when they're already dead, but Nathan and the rest of the EOTR team didn't think I could get through this one without hurling my skull through my computer screen to produce sparks, a la Dean Ambrose at TLC 2014.
Good times for all.
We open the show with DDP, ironically enough, hyping up his match with Scott Steiner and the Diamond Cutter. The editing on this promo is pure shit. It looks like something out of a Jerry Springer episode entitled "My Baby Mama Fucked Around and Ruined My Wrasslin' Company." All I've got to ask is this:
What the fuck did I sign up for?
Our first match of the night is Kwee-Wee (who, according to Ye Olde Wikipedia, was not intended to be a gay stereotype, even with the Eurodance theme, the pink get-up, the Goku-meets-Kurt-from-Glee hairdo, and potentially stereotypical mannerisms. He was however intended to be a "Jekyll and Hyde" character) versus Jason Jett. For those who may not know, Jason Jett is better known as EZ Money from ECW. Now, the first think I've noticed about this opening match was the fact that the themes were seemingly ripped out of "Wrestling Theme Tropes 2001." Heavy riffs that seem ripped from WWF (or pop culture) are plentiful throughout.
Kwee-Wee is called a "youngster" when compared to Jett, even though they're about the same age. Schiavone also calls out WCW as riding on the backs of the older guys. The crowd chants "Kwee-Wee Sucks," and Tony Schiavone says that they're chanting for Kwee-Wee. Good lord, it's like Back to the Future. A shitload of telegraphed moves later and Kwee-Wee gets thrown out the ring. Jett plays possum, only to catch Kwee-Wee off guard. Kwee-Wee gets "swerved," as we're told by our announcing team.
Ok, let's stop right here. I'm all for breaking kayfabe, when done correctly. Throwing out "insider" terms like "swerve," "getting over," "midcarders," "buried," and so on, it works--when there's a point to doing so. You do it ad nauseum as WCW did during those last couple years, and you're insulting the intelligence of your audience. I mean, for fuck's sake! We're supposed to suspend belief and think Kwee-Wee and Jason Jett are legitimately kicking each others' asses and your announcing team is supposed to be putting the action over, not being smarks about it. Anyway, Jett wins with the "Crash Landing," a rolling release suplex that looks legit like it could kill someone.
WCW: We're Here to Kill Each Other.
Jett would go on to rebirth the EZ Money gimmick on the indies. Kwee-Wee would go on to a homosexual gimmick in TNA (why am I not surprised?)
Alright, so our next match is Elix Skipper and Kid Romeo versus Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Billy Kidman. A Rey Mysterio double play. Whose wife did I bone to receive this honor?
Ok, seriously, Rey at this point is still pretty awesome. So, let me be unbiased and call this match as it needs to be called. This is a pretty spot-filled match. Not too much in the way of ring story, psychology, or anything other than spots. The match is just spot after spot after SPOT! So, you've got four pretty legit cruiserweight talents in the ring. And all WCW allows for is just a bunch of flippy-do bullshit? And I thought WCW respected the cruiserweights. We then get Romeo and Elix male twerking to celebrate and me reaching for the bleach.
We get Buff Bagwell doing what seems like a parody of Behind the Bash 1988 with Ric Flair, Jeff Jarrett, and Road Warrior Animal talking about upcoming matches. Then, Stacy Keibler enters the ring to generic porn music for the hipster stripper crowd. Why is she not in the WWE Hall of Fame? Seriously. Shawn Stasiak enters to some weird techno rip on "The Dynasty Intro" to get the "Shawn and Stacy Show" going, where he goes on a rant about Bam Bam Bigelow. Shawn starts tossing out photos of himself, because he knew that people would kill each other for Stacy photos.
Our next match? Bam Bam Bigelow versus Shawn Stasiak. So...many...missed spots. WCW was notorious for letting their cameramen capture shit angles. This match was no exception. The match ends with BBB getting sprayed in the face by hair spray and Shawn getting the win.
Hair spray: more dangerous to wrestlers than drugs, prostitutes, and botched spots.
I've still got about two hours to go. And, holy shit, it's Konnan out for our next match.
Konnan and Hugh Morrus versus Lance Storm and Mike Awesome. I still never got how so many non-Canadians were in "Team Canada," when the point of it was supposed to be Canadian pride. Whatever. If the Rey match was nothing but spots, this match is the exact opposite of that. Now, I don't want to piss off Lance Storm (or maybe I do), but he's boring as fuck. He's a solid technician, but he's boring. Not even Daniel Bryan "boring," because at least Daniel can cut a promo, make people laugh with him, and has the "Yes!" chant in his back pocket, should he start fucking up royally. Lance can barely even do that. Konnan sells mostly everything like he got shot out a cannon.
God, this match is boring.
So, while I'm waiting for the end of this match, be sure to check out the new Team DAR single "Green Light" at this link. That's how shit this match is. I've taken to shamelessly plugging music within the body of the review and outside of the closing thoughts. Mike Awesome wins with the Awesome Bomb and I'm ready to stab myself in the eyes.
Chavo versus Shane Helms (with his fake "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" theme) is next for the Cruiserweight Championship. The announcers actually call this match, which is great. There is a lot of chain wrestling in this one, and it doesn't look as telegraphed as some chain combos can. I'm not a big Chavo fan, but this match is one of my favorites. We're given everything you could ask for from a match. Shane wins with a Vertebreaker after a hard-fought match.
And this is where the event again goes from good to shit. Up to this point, the event hasn't been too horrible. It's been bad. I mean, it is WCW in 2001. However, it's been halfway excusable. However, the next match just takes everything awesome about this PPV and shoves it down the toilet.
The Natural Born Thrillers beat Totally Buffed in fifty-four seconds. Fuck this company.
Next up, Ernest Miller versus Kanyon in a match that should've been, time-wise, switched with the Totally Buffed match. This shit goes on for ten minutes. And by the second, I'm already calling for my mama. Ernest hits a sick powerbomb on Kanyon. And, Miller had this match won after that, but no. We get about another six minutes of these two going at it. Miller wins with The Feliner after Ms. Jones kicking the hell out of Kanyon. Kanyon is pissed by this, proceeds to hit the Flatliner on Miller. This causes Smooth, Miller's limo driver, coming out with a chair--and a rip-off of "Smooth Operator."
To keep me from going off the edge, this is Ms. Jones circa 2011.
Booker T and Rick Steiner are up next for the US Heavyweight Championship match. Booker wins. 'Nuff said. Booker was booked to look really strong. However, unlike Roman Reigns, he connected with the fans. One qualm with this match is how the hell did Rick Steiner not see Shane Douglas climbing up behind him, "broken" arm in tow?
Anyhow, we've got two matches left and I'm hating the hell out of this PPV. Our second to last match features Dustin and Dusty Rhodes versus Double J and Ric Flair in a "kiss my ass" match. Dustin looks like a man possessed here, killing Jarrett from the jump pretty much. Then Ric comes out and does the same to Dustin. I'm honestly, at this point, numbed from the fuckery. I legitimately can't properly render a verdict on this PPV at this point because I've just been lulled to stupid by the, well, stupidity of this PPV's matches. Dustin wins with one of the worst roll-ups I've seen.
Dusty after winning: "pucker them lips up and come in here and kiss...my...BIG WHITE ASS!" This line was made even more ridiculous by Dusty's drawl. Dusty does an old-man stink-face to Jarrett and I almost lost my lunch. Afterwards, Double J and Ric Flair hug it out, no-selling everything that just happened. Should I say it again? Fuck this company.
And now, for our main event, which probably cost somewhere between $2 and $5 million dollars to put together. Ok, maybe just a single M. This is the last WCW PPV we're talking about. Michael Buffer comes out to announce DDP and Steiner.
After entrances, Steiner goes off on DDP and the crowd as only Big Poppa Pump can. "Shut up, fat ass," he yells over and over and over. Steiner beats DDP with a kid's crutch and begins to set up a table in front of the Spanish Announcing table. The crutch get hands DDP his other crutch. We come back to ringside as DDP gets clocked by some sort of clock-looking thing (see what I did there?)
By this point, both DDP and Steiner are busted open and then just proceed to try and kill each other. "Count you son-of-a-bitch," Steiner yells at the ref after a near-fall. Steiner no-sells DDP's offense then hits him with a suplex. I'm surprisingly into this match. I don't know if it's Steiner shitting on everyone in the arena or what, but this match is pretty decent. Neither of these guys are really all that technical, but they've pulled out the stops.
After a decent amount of back and forth and a lot of blood lost, Steiner slaps on the Steiner Recliner and picks up the win. He then proceeds to try and kill DDP with the help of Rick Steiner.
So, was this PPV a fair enough send off to WCW? Was it really that bad? Or, well, was it shit?
Well, I remember the DDP/Steiner match being a lot worse than I saw today. Perhaps it was my younger WWF bias, but the main event was not all that bad. The rest of the PPV, however, was an uneven mix between clusterfuck, what the fuck, and fuck this company. And, let's face it: two good matches don't make a great PPV. So, yes, this PPV was really that bad. Come for the main event if you want to hear/see some Steinermania. Stay for Chavo versus Helms. Fuck pretty much everything else.
Up next, I'll take a look at 1998's Hogan versus Warrior II. So, until next time, Ringers, this is Speed on the Beat saying I review the crap, so you don't have to. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to pour up another shot.
Greetings, everyone. It's SOTB!!! back with another edition of "Was It Really That Bad" Review, sponsored by Bacardi 151 and the good folks at EyesontheRing.com.
Spoiler Alert: This is the payoff of the night.
Alright, so recently, I got a tip from EOTR's own Big Jon to check out WrestleMania XXVII to determine the question that's on everyone's mind (well, hopefully): was it really that bad? WM XXVII was the PPV in which Edge wrestled his last match, we got a lot of wonkiness, CM Punk as leader of The New Nexus, and the culmination of the Cena/Miz/Rock feud, which ended up becoming the backbone for OnceTwice in a Lifetime.
Our show begins with one of my former baes, Keri Hilson, singing "America the Beautiful." I won't bother you with a full-on review of her singing, because that's what my other site is for, shameless plug. She does, however, at least halfway do the song justice (even if she starts to do too many runs). Instead, just gaze at her booty and crazily-long legs.
So far, we're off to a good start, Jon.
After this (and The Rock going on his "Cuck Fena" tip), we go to the first match of the evening: Edge versus Alberto Del Riiiiiiiiiiiiio for the WHC. This is before Brodus Clay became the Funkasaurus and then Tyrus in TNA, so he's still considered a big deal (and a big heavy for a legit talent). Edge comes out with the pomp and circumstances fit for a man who's about to blow out his neck doing what he loves. Now, right off the bat, I have a problem with the WHC being a curtain jerker. This belt has history, but constantly has been treated like the modern-day US Championship.
Edge and Alberto trade bitchslaps to start, and Maggle Cole starts blowing his load over ADR's pedigree. It takes no less than two minutes for these two to start brawling outside and ADR to take it to Edge's injured arm, which will play a big part in this match. We head back inside the ring and ADR lets Edge have it on the ropes. So far, the psychology of this match is pretty decent. The managers aren't taking over. And HOLY SHIT ADR JUST DOVE THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE FEET FIRST!
ADR and Edge, after heading back inside, hits an armbar off the top rope. He then gets a spinning heel kick and a big boot for his troubles. After some decent chain wrestling, ADR hits the Enziguri on Edge for a near fall. Edge has his foot moved off the bottom rope, which leads to a schmozz between Brodus, Ricardo Rodriguez, and Christian. ADR hits a sick-looking cross armbreaker on Edge after a missed spear. After powering out, we get the Edgecator from Edge, another powerout, and Edge's final spear in a match in WWE (aside from, y'know, WWE 2K14 and stuff).
Edge, being Edge, doesn't leave on his knees. He instead decides to put Big Gold on the hood of ADR's car, then goes all Goldberg circa 1999. Instead of beating the crap out of it with his hands, like a dumbass, Edge does what normal people would: he uses a crowbar.
Over three years later, ADR would exact some sort of revenge against the white devils by slapping the crap out of a racist social media manager.
Oh, shit. I forgot that Michael Cole had a match in this WM. The cool points are straight out the window. However, we get Undashing Cody Rhodes, one of my favorite iterations of Cody, out next against Rey Mysterio in an old-school Captain America-inspired getup. Now, seeing as we're both under 5'8", I can call him a midget and not feel like I'm being derogatory...I think.
Before it was cool to hate Mysterio (Royal Rumble 2014), I found myself wanting everyone in their right mind to beat the fuck out of him. It's a combination of his horrible theme song, his inability to stay healthy, the fact that WWE turned him more into a tiny flippy-do-doing assclown. If you watch his WCW matches, you'll see that Mysterio, at one point, was more than 619s and grabbing his knee. Somewhere after 2010, he, for me, served no more real use in WWE aside from the ocassional 619. He became something like Kofi Kingston in that he was good for one thing.
The match itself wasn't bad. I just found myself not giving a crap. Cody got the win with a pretty nasty Cross Rhodes after knocking Rey out with his knee brace.
Snoop Dizzle fo' shizzle is in the hizzle with Teddy Lizzle in some sort of American Idol bullshit, because WWE, as usual in the 2010s, is late on cashing in numerous times on pop culture memes.
Let's run down the list, shall we?
William Regal dropped some knowledge.
Khali, enough said.
Zack Ryder kind of predicted how his tenure in WWE would turn out after 2012 by covering Rebecca Black's "Friday," then gets knocked out by Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Yoshi Tastu with Mason Ryan juggling his man-tits to "We Will Rock You."
Hornswoggle in his mute gimmick, who then drops some of the worst wrasslin' bars ever, accompanied by The Bella Twins. Thankfully, or sadly, this was before twerking. So, we missed out on Brie and Nikki "clappin' dem cakes" on the side of Hornswoggle.
Who's up next in this shit show? Oh, The Corre, you say? Cool. I get to see...Ezekiel Jackson and Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel perform back-up duties to Wade Barrett. And who are they going up against? Kane and The Big Show accompanied by Kofi Kingston and OMG IT'S SANTINO?! Unholy hell, this is the first time Santino has appeared in a WIRTB Review. Kofi too, but fuck Kofi.
This match was useless. As hell. Nothing but a schmozzfest, including Kofi diving onto everyone outside the ring. Santino hits The Cobra followed by a KO Punch/WMD on Heath Slater. Four years later, Heath Slater is still jobbing to...pretty much everyone, Kofi Kingston is still employed, and The Cobra is still sold as being a legitimate attack.
Up next, Cage Master Punk versus Mr. #RKOouttaNOWHERE. The set-up to this match was masterfully done, kind of. Per Wiki, because I'm lazy:
Another plot building up towards WrestleMania involved CM Punk and Randy Orton. Beginning the year, CM Punk became the leader of the The New Nexus.[24] At the Royal Rumble (2011) Punk cost Orton the WWE Championshiptelling him that it was his revenge for Orton by punting him at Unforgiven in 2008 Punk is the World Heavyweight Champion and he is unable to defend his World Heavyweight Championship in a championship scramble which he had to forfeit.[23][25] On February 28 the anonymous Raw General Manager announced a match between Punk and Orton. In addition, the General Manager said that Orton will face one of the members of the New Nexus each week. If Orton lost, his opponents would be allowed to be in Punk's corner at WrestleMania; if he won, his opponent are banned from attending the event.[14] Orton won all of his matches so Michael McGillicuttyDavid Otunga and Mason Ryan are banned from ringside. Before WrestleMania, Punk hit Orton's right leg with a wrench after Punk used Orton's wife as bait to lure Orton to the parking lot.
The match itself delivers. It feels like a blood feud. Orton is given an opponent he doesn't have to completely carry--and/or isn't Cena for the 5000th time. Punk doesn't look like he hates life. The crowd chants for CM Punk, and he's actually there to acknowledge it. Finishers are countered in a way that isn't straight out of the Smackdown vs Raw 2008 playbook. There's even a "Purple Aki" sign in the crowd. Good times. The match ends with an RKO out of nowhere countered from a springboard clothesline.
From here, Rocky is backstage with MEAN GENE talking about John Cena's Number One Fan. Can you guess who it is? It's none other that Pee-Wee Herman, seen below set-trippin' with Rocky.
"Don't make me go get Cowboy Curtis up in this bitch."
The Rock sees potential in Pee-Wee to be a man, then brings out Mean Gene, who's now decked out in Cena gear. After being called a tool, Mean Gene walks off, pissed off. We then get Pee-Wee doing his best (read: worst) impersonation of The Rock. You've gotta give Rock credit for being corny as hell here, but still being able to deliver this with a straight face.
Our HOF recipients are out next.
1) Fuck Abdullah the Butcher.
2) I'd still beat the bricks off Sunny, Skype and all. It's probably because I have memories of her looking like this:
...and not asking people to PayPal her for old-ass pictures. PayPal or not, she'd still get it.
3) Road Warriors are one of the best tag teams of all-time.
4) Drew Carey's useless.
5) Bob Armstrong is a legend. Plus, one of his sons is Road Dogg. 'Nuff Said.
6) Jim Duggan looks like a drunk.
7) HBK is...well, he's HBK. Even if he is kind of a tool, he's our tool.
Fuck. We've got two more hours to go and my drink's getting light. Now for a word from our sponsors.
Alright, now where was I? So, we've got two hours left of this shit show. Our next match up is Maggle vs. DA KING! We get a recap where King starts beating the fuck out of Jack Swagger and Cole's "impregnable" glass case. Our special ref for tonight is Stone Cold! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!!! So, maybe this won't be a complete clusterfuck. Booker T is out to call the action to no sort of reaction. JR's up next, and pretty much tells Cole to fuck off.
Michael Cole's out next with X-Pac Go Away Heat, shitting on JR and looking like some mix between Steve Carrell and Gumby. Jack Swagger's out with his old rip-off RATM theme. As Swagger goes through his push-up fuckery, the glass shatters and he looks like he just vacated his bowels.
Stone Cold is out on his ATV, almost runs over Thwagger, and has Cole scared.
And, finally, we've got Lawler out and ready to kick some ass, take some names, and all that fuckery. How in the holy fuck was this match almost as long as the Main Event? I mean, for fuck's sake. We could've even had Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan for the US Championship in this spot, instead of just a random dark match. Lawler beats the hell out of Cole in the "Cole Mine" and I'm beating my head against my desk at this point. Pray I don't end up like Ziggler, circa 2013 and early 2014, depushed and concussed to high hell.
I can't even speak on the stupidity of this match seriously. Cole beats Lawler by DQ, SCSA stuns everyone in the world, the end.
Next up? Undertaker versus Triple H II. For those who remember, Undertaker and Trips first faced off at a WrestleMania ten years prior, which (of course) Taker won. And, of course, Taker wins here. I don't think we need to talk much about this match, as it was one of the best Taker WrestleMania matches in The Streak. It was brutal, violent, and a great mix of old-school and new-school wrestling styles. The story told in the ring was amazing and could potentially be my favorite Taker match at WrestleMania (yes, that includes the Taker/HBK matches).
From one of the greatest WrestleMania matches to...Snooki. Geez, Jon, you really know how to pick 'em. This event so far has had GREAT highs and horrible lows. The lows, however, are enough to drag this event down. Anyways, our next-to-last match is JoMo, Trish, and Snooki versus LayCool and Dolph Ziggler.
Snooki gets the win with one of the worst splashes I've ever seen, even from non-wrestlers.
I remember back in the day in middle school, True and I, along with some other people, would stage our own backyard matches during lunch and/or whenever the teachers were running late. One of my finishers was the "Fat Boy Splash," a take on Eddie's Frog Splash with a mix of an elbow drop. My "Fat Boy Splash" got more air than Snooki, and we were probably the same height and weight at this point. And WWE wonders why people shit on women's wrestling from the WWE. You had Snooki win over Michelle McCool and Layla.
Thankfully, we're at the last match of the night at this point, Cena versus Miz for the WWE Championship. At least Cena didn't have his shirt thrown back at him. Truthfully, this match wasn't that bad. Cena and Miz did the best with what they were given. I mean, we all knew that, considering how much shit-talking Rock had for Cena throughout the show, Rock would come out at some point. However, when he did, I still felt cheated out of a match. Cena and Miz were at the point where they absolutely hated the shit out of each other. And here comes Rock to set up Once in a Lifetime, Part One, laying waste to everyone.
At the end of this four-hour spectacle, we have one question left to ask: was it really that bad?
Yes. As mentioned previously in this review, the highs of this event were high, very high. However, the lows, including the Russo-era-esque finish to the main event, just keep this event from being better than it could've been. No titles changed hands, and the main event was a giant set-up for WrestleMania 28. Miz was fed to Rocky without even losing, thus making the importance of the WWE Title less than the (at the time) upcoming grudge match between Cena and Rocky. No, it wasn't as putrid as some pundits would have you believe...but it still deserves its fair share of "ugh" and vitriol.
So, until next time, this is SOTB!!! saying thanks for reading and remember: I review the crap, so you don't have to. Our next WIRTB review, as suggested by EOTR's Nathan, is Greed 2001.
